I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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