First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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