So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
