I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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