How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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