he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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