plz talk dirty to me
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
