Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
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