i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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