Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
