It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
