You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
