i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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