His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
