when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
