Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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