I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
