a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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