remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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