it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
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This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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