I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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