There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
