I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
