My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
