I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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