her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
