she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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