Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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