Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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