Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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