I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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