"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she smelled like a LAN party
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
