people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
