i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
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Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
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That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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