Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize