so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
