I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
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Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
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This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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