I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
