My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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