Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
