I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
