I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
