Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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