I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We had sex on a dog bed..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
