She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
