i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
