matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He shit in the fireplace
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
