and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
