never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
why do cheetos always look like penises
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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