what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
NoShamevember. You game?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How does it feel to date your dad?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
