This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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