Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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