this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
