WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
