kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
