Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!