My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....