He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
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She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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