I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
