Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
