farters have to be the big spoon...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
