You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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