I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
