it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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