You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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