maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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