there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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